it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
