You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
