Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was like eating out sand paper
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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