I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
