OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
