I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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