Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
