He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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