The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
