I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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