This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
