I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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