Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
