I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
