You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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