Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
