you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
