Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i barfeds in our rink
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
