We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
