My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
