Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
