i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
