lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
