9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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