I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
