I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
