His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
