Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
