good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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