I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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