mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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