I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
