I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
