just come out here and I will go home with you...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
