Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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