i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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