isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
