I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
