Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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