I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
