he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
