just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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