Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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