So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
