I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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