Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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