he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
and you fell through a lawn chair
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
