Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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