there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
