i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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