Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
