someone get that fucking seahorse.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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