I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
